Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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