How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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