So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
