i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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