I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize