Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
