So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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