i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
