I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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