It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this just has baby written all over it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
