well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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