I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
