how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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