It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
