Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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