Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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