my text book just quoted the cookie monster
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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