Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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