What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
