My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
