Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
