Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
