How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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