All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
