nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize