New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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