Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
