I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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