i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
