you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
