so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There's always time for handjobs
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
