The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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