just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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