I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
