somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
