I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
