okay pat passed out under dana's car
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
