I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
