He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
