i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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