guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
