so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
