he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
