No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
