I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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