Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize