I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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