my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
