i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
