I faked an abortion last night.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
