For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
