so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
