shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
