My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
