If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
