i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
