i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Houston, we have a blender
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
