And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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