well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
