So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
