There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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