I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
