Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
