I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
