She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
