The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize