I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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