someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
