If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
