Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize