apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
