omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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