The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
