Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
