I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
