dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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