does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
